I wasn’t sure what you needed. But I am sure on what you deserve. Although it was easier for me to say to leave your shitty lover who doesn’t give a fuck with your worth. And it felt like I’m obliged to save you from your misery. To help you see this world better. That the world we live in isn’t that cruel. That there are people who will love you no matter what despite of your nothingness. See I didn’t came to you to love me. I came to you to make you realize you are worth loving.
Those days I have given you things that I should’ve given to someone. Yet I am allured with your pain and sadness. Misery really do loves company. And I wanted to take that all away. Those sinful yet happy days flew fast. And I was half hearted complaining for those days spent doing things against the bounds of commitment. But it left us, at least me, wanting for more. Until you declared your love to me.
You see, I replied in a way not to invalidate your feelings, but to put you some sense that yes it was love but not the romantic kind. For there is still someone occupying the space in your heart. And maybe I just made you feel something that your lover never made you feel and hence the feeling of infatuation. I just assured you that what every happens, you’ve got a friend in me. And I wanted to be the closest and the best that you’ll have.
I tried to maintain the safe distance. For you not to fall deeper for me but me still close if you break down and fall. And now we are here. Barely talking strangers yet with memories deep and engraved to our aching hearts. But I can’t blame you if you feel to do such. I wanted you to free the space in your heart that makes it heavy. But I didn’t wanted you to feel empty afterwards. I guess that’s impossible especially if I can’t even fill that emptiness within knowing I am hollow myself.
After all, it’s the space that I wanted you to have and now you’re seeking for it on your own. Who am I to stop you? I just get attached to easily and I’m still working on that being left behind so it pains me to see what we have become.
So, there goes the memories of my summer madness.
Gone with the thin blow of the wind.
Let me burn in the heat of the mighty sun.
Hoping that the winter in my heart would end.