I was hesitant when you ask me to walk at the coast of the hidden shores in one of the towns in Zambales. I don’t know what you get with that weird hobby of walking on paths not usually taken by visitors of the said beach especially during after sunset.
Still, I decided to walk with you after I demanded a light on the path we’re walking to towards the sea. Once there, you suddenly shut the light from your mobile and walked towards the darkness.
You said that “it is only by being in the darkness that you’ll understand light.” And I know that arguing with you would lead to nowhere so I just let your sometimes-crooked-wisdom consume me and my deep sigh.
I walked with your hand in mine, darkness ahead, with the stars too fade to lighten our path. I hear the strong winds continuously mumbling through my ears and the waves angrily whipping the shores.
I am starting to feel fear. That something might happen to us. That we could’ve crosspath with some insane human with a drive for blood. Or a tsunami from the dark sea to engulf us. A ghost that might walk (or float) with us. Or a cliff few steps ahead. I am shiverring outside because of the cold breeze; shiverring inside because of fear.
But I am holding your hand, and everything seemed not to matter. That you are my source of courage. And the way you squeeze my hand warms me, fighting the turmoil I had within.
“What are you thinking?”, You asked.
“Should we go back?” I asked. It feels more scary that something might jump out in front of us.
“This is how I feel..” You said.
Dumbfounded, I remain silent.
“This is how I feel in the present. The total darkness. The cold. I can’t see anything ahead. I can’t see any future. All I see is black. And here I am still walking towards nowhere..”
I hear the worry in your voice but I can’t even utter a word as if I was trapped on the same dilemma. I’ve lost my voice of reasoning to calm you down.
“..but knowing that I have you in this scary journey strengthens me. That somehow, everything’s gonna be okay. That I can bear anything because I am with you.”
It struck me. Not the lightning across the night sky. Not the images that my imagination conjures on those blurry objects on the line of my sight. But your words pierced through me and filled me with urge to be your knight. Your shining armor. The man you’ve been waiting for. And the uncertainty of my future vanished. That I needed to see where we are going together. Before I guide you in your every step as you guide mine in the darkness of the soft sand.
I faced in your direction. With the sea on your back. I hugged you. To compensate with the muteness I uttered. And least to make you feel alright.
Despite the wind blowing harder. And the grains of sands hitting our legs. Our voice seemed inaudible to hear against the sounds of waves raising more than 5 feet high.
I kissed you. My little daredevil.
Stuttering 