Awake

To tell you honestly. I don’t know what to feel anymore. I am not sure if I was just denying the feeling or I am already numb. 

As days go by, I’m starting to regain the respect and the love I’ve deprived to myself for you. Though I’ve decided to expect your worse, I was still disappointed everytime you meet my expectations. No matter how much I braced myself for the impact, the aftermath was still palpable and throbbing across my chest. 

I’m starting to feel that I deserve something or someone better. And that’s the feeling I do not want you to elicit in me. But considering your acts, you’re near success doing such. Don’t get me wrong, because I do believe I did my part. I’ve compromised in every way I can, considered your behalf whenever I plan ahead for the coming days. Always chosing what’s beneficial for the both of us. Something I’ve never felt that you did.

But for now, I still choose to stay. Just to satisfy, once again, the masochist in me. I do think that this is a fair deal, for I chose to stay before; despite the barely good things you’ve presented. And I’m still chosing to stay despite the emotional burden you’re inflicting to me now. Least up until I get tired as I’m slowly losing my grip. 

I just need to accept some things I cannot change.